I just read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz in one sitting. All day, I have been in my own head and doubting myself and my relationships. This has been happening more and more recently to the point where it is very difficult to clear my mind and feel confident. This book came at the perfect time. After dinner, I sat down on the couch just to peek at the book and see what it was like. 2 hours later, I sit here in wonder and finally able to breathe. It is a short little book, but I haven't been able to focus on something to that extent in months. Simply put, I needed to consume these words. Time and time again, I am baffled by the power that words have to create such powerful moments and meaning. I would have included this on my post of the top reads of 2020 for sure, but think it deserved its own reflection. I highly recommend you read it; I know I will come back to it over and over from now on.
I know that the lessons of this book are difficult to put into practice, but I am so ready to try.
1. Be impeccable with your word
As just stated above, words are powerful beyond belief. We take them for granted and we abuse them when we are not honest with ourselves or with others. I am going to be intentional with my words and honest about what I feel. Today, a lot of my self-doubt was coming from a conversation with someone important to me in which I wasn't able to clearly state how I felt. I held back out of fear that I would not be understood or that my feelings would ruin something. By doubting my words, and even asking someone else what I should say, I created miscommunication and even more doubt. After reading this first agreement, it seems so simple to be honest and kind with our words. Yet why is it so difficult? Fear consumes us to the point where it seems a better alternative to be false than it is to be rejected. At least for me, I am so scared to open up and say what's on my mind or ask the tough questions. Day by day, I want to let go of the way I feel I should present myself and speak my truth.
2. Don't take anything personally
This agreement is just as tough for me as the first one. I live in my own dream in my own world that nobody else experiences. You live in your own reality as well, with your interests as priority. Why should I assume everything revolves around me? When comments are made about me or I perceive someone else's opinion of me, I let my opinions of myself be altered. But their opinions are not me. "You eat all their emotional garbage, and now it becomes your garbage" (49). I love how this is phrased. I have enough emotional garbage; I don't need to add to it by taking everything personally. You don't deserve that either.
3. Don't make assumptions
Every day, every minute, I make assumptions. Again referencing my emotional turmoil of today, I assumed that this person in my life is not as invested in our relationship as me and does not care. I decided this in my brain, and since then, the thoughts have spiraled into anger and frustration towards this person, all over an assumption. While I have doubts and concerns, I cannot assume that this person understands them all and is choosing to ignore them. They are living a completely different reality. I need to be impeccable with my word and express my concerns. Yes, I am afraid of rejection and what may happen, but I can never expect change if I do not voice a need for change. It is going to be scary to ask tough questions, but it is better to know the answers than to decide the answers through assumption. "It is always better to ask questions than to make an assumption, because assumptions set us up for suffering" (65).
4. Always do your best
Reading the last agreement brought me so much joy and hope. It is intimidating to read about how to live according to these agreements, but the fourth agreement allows room for mistakes. Essentially, all we can do is give our best to these agreements to live a full life. I know I will slip up, continue to doubt myself, let the words of others hurt me, and make assumptions, but I have the self-awareness and understanding to now move forward. To ultimately trust myself and try again and again to be the best me I can. Life is tough and confusing and painful, but as I come to know and love myself, I am better equipped to share that love boldly with the world.
Share a little love today, and fight on.
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