I've always been someone who loses things. Unfortunately, I got this tendency from my father, and I wish I could break it, but I just can't. Whether it's sunglasses, water bottles, or AirPods, I am constantly trying to track things down. Where was the last place I had them? Could they have ended up in a pocket? Are they gone forever?
This stage of life can also leave many people feeling lost and wondering about the future and their purpose. I feel like a "lost college student" who doesn't know what they are doing. Every choice feels catastrophic and pivotal for my future. And without knowing the direction of my future, how am I supposed to make any decision now?
As I journey into another semester of online school and junior year creeps near, I wonder how time has passed so quickly and I note how much I missed because of covid. I don't feel ready to start living as a true adult. I am not sure how to "find myself" and my purpose in this limbo stage of life. There is so much pressure in college to do it all and to take professional steps. I consistently feel overwhelmed with the right thing to do and compare my steps to others with similar professional interests.
As I have struggled with this recently, I have been reading 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think by Brianna Wiest. This page stuck out to me with a focus on what I want right now. I do not have to plan and solve my entire future at this exact moment. Even if I did, it would not turn out how I wanted. So I am letting go of having it all figured out. My theory is that nobody figures it out. So I am accepting that I am lost. And I am going to stop trying to be found.
x fight on
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