Saying Goodbye to Teenage Years
As the summer draws to a close, I have been reflecting a lot. Not just on the last few months at home, but on my entire life. In less than a month, I will be 20. Teenage years gone. I'm not sure I'm ready. Is anyone?
This summer I finally understand why they always said not to be in a hurry to grow up. I was so excited to have my first big girl internships and to really push myself for my future. I had some incredible opportunities and learned so much. This is just the beginning.
At the same time, it freaked me out to realize that this is the beginning. I will no longer have those carefree summers without responsibility.
And maybe that's just life and growing up. Realizing that responsibility and deadlines and bills and worries are just part of the deal.
I want to acknowledge and accept those things, without letting them control me. Without losing the joy and beauty of life. There is so much to be grateful for and to take a step back and see the bigger picture- all the love, family, and friends that are most important.
I was on a walk with two friends from Kindergarten today and we happened to reach our old elementary school. I was struck with the strongest nostalgia for a place that was such a huge part of my life, but now feels lifetimes ago. We sat on the play structure talking about college friends and dream jobs and future families. What a change from playing tag and mermaids and laughing on the swings. If only our 6-year-old selves could see us now.
I guess I'm learning that growing up doesn't mean I'll figure things out. There will always be challenges. And those childhood memories will always be part of me. Part of all of us. Allowing myself to change and grow and make mistakes. I'm not going to get it perfect. And maybe that's the hardest part. I don't know what 20 will bring. Or where I'll be at 30. Or 60...
And there is no perfect way to wrap this up. No magic statement that makes it all okay. Or goal to reach that signifies a well-lived life. So I guess I'll leave myself with whatever I'm feeling in this moment. So that in 10 years I can look back to this place and remember.
Take some risks. Make mistakes, and don't tear yourself down for them. Laugh a lot. Kiss some frogs. Dance in the rain. Keep learning and questioning. And love boldly.
(me in 2007)
this picture makes me so happy.
totally captures the freedom and joy.
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